reading Empty Cradle, Broken Heart
As part of my training through BADT, I am reading the book Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah L. Davis and I have had some STRONG reactions. As someone who witnessed a loss and experienced much of the fall out, trauma, and lifelong changes of it, reading this book is incredibly frustrating.
While I think some of this would be useful to parents—including supporting parents in knowing that they are not alone—and certain chapters such as “Affirming Your Baby” are helpful for me as a birthworker in order to know for clients what their options are, I have been frustrated through the first half of the book and kind of stalled out. I’m finding it difficult to continue reading as I feel much of this book would’ve been met with anger and frustration from my family while we were grieving. In fairness to the book, there could be other chapters that have incredibly valuable information, but I went into the book expecting more than I feel like I’m getting out of it. I do wonder if a birthworker who has never experienced this type of loss might find the information more useful.
That being said, I do take issue with the way people with substance abuse issues are talked about throughout the book. Several times it talks about how people might feel angry because people who use drugs and drink seem to have healthy babies. While I do think it’s valid that someone might feel this way, it also seems to lack compassion or even consider parents who do have substance abuse issues and also experience traumatic loss. Parents who lose their babies deserve compassion—regardless of their history of substance use.
These are just my preliminary thoughts and I am only about halfway through. In the meantime, I am open to any other book or resource recommendations about loss during pregnancy or infancy.
I’ve also met with a possible mentor who I absolutely loved getting to know and I’m incredibly excited to shadow her through some births. She is a wealth of knowledge and I think I could learn so much from her. I am meeting another experienced doula today and going to one of her parent classes which is also super exciting. Last week, I took a virtual tour of Newton Wellesley Hospital. It truly feels like everything is starting to come together!
Other books I’ve read recently: Killing the Black Body (this is a book I will go back to again) and non-birthwork related books: Nothing to See Here (hysterical) and Reverie (a bit disappointing; I usually love Ryan La Sala).
In 6th grade, we are continuing to study elements of fiction. I’m very excited to be playing some drama games with them tomorrow where we can practice some of these elements of fiction in action!
Much love and happy Wednesday,
K
